"You Look Very Familiar"

I had a young lady at one of the Pizza Huts in Ames say that I looked very familiar. She asked if I had a brother. I told her yes and that his name is Joe. She told me that she went to elementary school with him and Grant and that she also attended his funeral. We had a great talk and I told her I was glad that she talked to me about him, since most people shy away from the subject. So, I gave her a card with our church website to check out what we have been up to since Joe’s passing. It was also really nice to hear someone say I look just like Joe. Joe and I used to get that all the time, even with the six years between us. I haven’t heard the comparisons that much in the last five years due to obvious reasons. But, I believe God knew what I needed to hear and I wonder if this young lady needed to be reminded of Joe.

If you want to see what my family and I have devoted ourselves to since Joe's passing, check out www.hofames.com. 

p.s. The adoption blog will be back soon!

NOW WHAT?

Throughout our stay in the hospital, the birth father was making life miserable for the birth mother and causing much concern for all parties involved. He was making threats, lurking around outside of the hospital, and making harassing phone calls. He even sent a relative to try and see the baby, but she was turned away. The birth mother truly feared for Julia’s safety if the birth father would be allowed access. This turmoil only solidified our determination to protect this baby and provide a safe and loving environment.

The hospital staff arranged for us to use a back entrance when we left the hospital. There had been reports of him hanging out in the parking lot during our stay at the hospital. When it was time to leave, there was a torrential downfall in Cedar Rapids. While that was a blessing to discourage any potential confrontations, it was also my first time driving with the most precious cargo in the world. I still remember how small she looked in her car seat that day. I also remember thinking; “I now have to take her out into this crazy world!” And I wasn’t even aware that the heartaches and legal battles were just beginning.

We made our way to Pella through the downpour. We had to stay in Pella for the night, so we could sign papers the next day with a social worker from the adoption agency. So, we stayed in a hotel and were completely on our own for the first time with Julia. Kristin’s parents came and made a brief visit at the hotel. Neither of our parents came to the hospital due to the circumstances of the adoption. We signed the papers the next morning after the 72-hour waiting period had passed and the agency had received the birth mother’s release. We headed home thinking we were half way to adoption. All we had to do was get the birth father’s rights terminated. That wasn’t going to be a big deal…the adoption agency had already stated that this was going to be no problem. Yeah, right.

READY OR NOT, HERE COMES A BABY!

Before all this chaos unraveled, we were in the middle of selling our house and attempting to buy a house in a quiet neighborhood with a big backyard. We were able to swing both transactions and we moved in at the beginning of April 2006. While this was going on, we were also on call for the arrival of a baby girl who was due in April. We were getting quite stressed with moving, trying to prepare the house for a baby, and also preparing ourselves for a baby. But, the excitement far outweighed the stress.

When it came to deciding her name, we had no problem agreeing on the first name, Julia. It’s a unique name, but not a weird, made up name. We wanted to be different without being pretentious. But, the middle name has a deep meaning to both the birth family and us. Jo is in honor of my brother Joe. Lee is in honor of the birth family. They have a tradition in their family that some form of Lee was in either a first or middle name. This was a way to include them in Julia’s life from a distance. The name means a great deal to both families and allows a certain part of each family to live on through her name.

Early in the morning, on April 27, 2006, we received a call from the birth mother. She had given birth to a healthy baby girl. The adrenaline shot through our bodies and we went into “crazy mode.” Even though we were prepared for the moment, it’s weird how all that preparation sinks to the back of your mind and that rush of adrenaline overwhelms you. Nevertheless, we packed up the car and took off for Cedar Rapids.

Upon arriving there, we were informed by the maternal birth family that the birth father had been trying to get in to see the baby. But, the hospital staff turned him away. The only way he was going to be able to see her is if the baby was in the nursery. So, we decided as an extended family unit, to always have her in our room or the birth mother’s room. He had abandoned them in their time of greatest need, and was now looking to cause trouble. This was causing a lot of stress and anxiety on the birth family and ourselves. We were not anticipating this battle with the birth father. Little did we know, that this was only the beginning.

After talking to the maternal birth grandparents, we were able to go into the birth mother’s room and meet our daughter. As I write this entry, it seems like a very weird arrangement, but in reality, there was nothing weird about it. This was how God orchestrated this to happen, and we were all confident in His plan. There was obviously a great joy in meeting our daughter for the first time, but there also was a divine connection from Joe’s death to Julia’s birth. To Kristin and I, this was a sign of a sovereign God showing his compassion toward us.

Kristin and I had our own hospital room down the hallway from the birth mother. The arrangement was for us to stay in the hospital and take care of Julia from the beginning. She stayed in our room during the night, the hospital staff administered tests on her in our room…we were her parents! The birth mother took Julia for periods of time to have her time with Julia before we left the hospital and started the new chapter in all our lives. The maturity and generosity of this young woman was quite remarkable given the situation. She never wavered from her intelligent decision to give Julia the life she deserved.

APWAP

During the summer of 2005, Kristin and I felt God leading us towards leading a college age group at the Boone Open Bible Church. This is something that had been tried at many Boone churches, including the Open Bible, but for some reason, no group had ever stuck. We began to prepare for a Fall of 2005 launch to coincide with the beginning of the college year. We named it New Day and began to spread the word. We put together a little worship band, my mom made her world famous scotcheroos, and I put together an introductory message. It was going to be awesome!

The opening Thursday night arrived. We had a worship practice, the treats were out, and we were ready to go! The only problem was that nobody joined us. Not one person even peaked their head in to see what we were up to. We were okay with that. It was a time to regroup and reassess our marketing strategy.

We came back next week. Nobody. We came back the next week. Nothing. We did this for six weeks. God had to be thinking, “I appreciate your persistency, but get a clue. It’s not time!” We decided to take a break and come back in the spring. Little did we know that God had something else in mind.

During the week following my brother’s death, God spoke clearly to my father, “A Party With A Purpose.” At the same time, God was speaking to Kristin and renewing her passion to reach the college age and young adults. She was feeling that this was the time to start up the ministry again. We didn’t know what this was supposed to look like, we just knew that we had to be available to the young people in the community, especially those struggling with the tragic situation. So, my dad made an announcement at the funeral that we were going to be available the following Saturday night. I’m not sure the exact number, but about 30 young people showed up on that Saturday. In short, we talked about God and had some fun. More importantly, we were there for each other to discuss what questions we had after this tragedy.

APWAP lasted three years, and then transitioned to being its own church, House of Freedom. In those three years, we were able to plant many seeds in the college age and help foster a culture of Christ. It makes my day to see somebody sporting an APWAP t-shirt! It was also where we spent every Saturday night during the most painful parts of our adoption process. But I am thankful we were able to keep working for the kingdom in the midst of trials.

LIFE CHANGES QUICKLY

A couple weeks before my brother’s death, we received a call from our adoption agency. A woman from eastern Iowa was very interested in having us adopt her unborn child. She was seven months pregnant and interested in us talking to her and answering some questions over the phone. So, we had that conversation and we got a very positive response from her. The last thing was for us to meet her in person and get acquainted. So we set the date for late February to meet her and her parents.

We did not know at the time, but this date would be just a few days after my brother’s passing. Kristin and I had to decide whether to go ahead and meet with the birth family or try to postpone the meeting. I had just lost Joe a few days earlier, and was starting to feel guilt over leaving my family to go meet about the POSSIBILITY of adopting a child. It seems like that would be a great diversion, but I was at the lowest of lows and trying to figure out what was going on. We weren’t sure what to do, but God has a way of speaking through extraordinary circumstances. In this case, my crazy Aunt Penny.

Up to this point in my life, I had never received any advice from my crazy Aunt Penny, much less accepted it. I mean, her name is CRAZY Aunt Penny! (I use “crazy” in an affectionate manner ) But through the storm, came the soothing advice, “You need to go and meet this woman. God may be giving you guys new life, new hope, in the midst of tragedy.” It made perfect sense. So, Kristin and I decided to go to Cedar Rapids to meet this woman.

Our good friends, David and Michelle Wanat, agreed to go with us to Cedar Rapids. We arrived at the agency office, nervous as all get out. This was our first impression on the potential birth mother of our child. Kristin and I went into the office, while the Wanats stayed in the van. We did not want to overwhelm this young woman.

I am not going to go into details about that meeting, but it is safe to say that both sides were confident in each other. We all realized that God was doing an awesome thing by bringing us together. After one more phone call the following week, the birth mother decided that we were the ones and that she wanted us at the hospital when she gave birth. She explained to us that she felt God chose her to carry OUR baby! There is no other explanation for this miracle than a sovereign God being in control.

The only detail left to work out was the birth father. The agency assured us he was not going to be a problem. He was married to another woman, had eight children by five different women (two in state’s custody), woefully behind on child support, no full-time job, and had abandoned the birth mother while three months pregnant and went back to his wife. The agency said, “We have taken a lot better people to court and won. This will not be a problem.” These words haunted us for five years.

FEBRUARY 26, 2006

The doorbell rang. It was Sunday morning, approximately 6:00. Who on earth would be at our door? As soon as I gathered myself, I began to panic. I quickly realized that nobody rings your doorbell at that time, unless there is an emergency. Kristin and I went to the door and Pastor Phil Waldo informed us that my 21-year old brother, Joe, had been killed in a car accident, along with two of his friends. The driver, was still alive, but in critical condition. I am not going to share what happened from there, as it is of private nature and I will never forget that morning. I’m sure you can imagine receiving similar news.

Over 1,000 people attended his funeral. He was one popular dude that affected numerous lives just with his personality and kindness. A community was rocked by this tragedy, especially the young people. Joe, Grant, and Trent were known by just about everyone. Of course, the question that arises is, “Why?” God revealed himself and his sovereignty that week and is still speaking to our family to this day about why this happened. Will I ever fully understand? Probably not…at least not until heaven. But, over time God is revealing his plan to us in how this tragedy is leading towards victory in the kingdom of God. And the first step was to start APWAP.

Please visit my brother's memorial site.
http://joe-bravard.memory-of.com/About.aspx

(Note: My father, Ken, is in the process of writing a book that will detail what God has revealed to him through this tragedy. To see God’s plan in this tragedy from a father’s perspective will blow your mind. I am hoping this book is finished soon! I am going to keep the focus of my blog more on the adoption process, but obviously this tragedy and other circumstances are forever intertwined.)

WHAT? YES! WHAT?

We did not have any response until a few days before Christmas of 2005. To us, three months seemed like a long wait, but the standard is more like a year of wait time. So, we were feeling pretty lucky. Kristin and I were eating lunch at home when we received a call from the agency.

“A young woman from eastern Iowa has chosen the two of you to be the adoptive parents! BUT, she just gave birth this morning and you have one hour to decide. OH, and there’s two of them…twin boys! They have an African-American father and a white mother. I will call you back in an hour for your decision.”

What? Years of prayer, research, and waiting comes down to one hour to decide our future? Long story (one hour) made short…we decided to say, “YES!” I jumped in the car and went to the library to get some name books for us to read on the way to eastern Iowa. By time I got home, the agency had called back and informed us that the birth mother decided to go with people who were having fertility problems. (At that time we were not aware of any fertility problems. Five years later, that might be a different story.) Surprisingly, we were not devastated. We were disappointed, but we entered this process trusting God and He had other plans in mind. It is weird, though, to think there are twin boys running around out there whom we parented for 45 minutes ;) If you’re curious, it would have been Elijah and Isaiah if I had my way.